Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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