he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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