fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
