She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
