I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
