would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
