Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He passed out mid-signature
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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