I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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