New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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