She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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