Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
