No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
