Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize