I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
