I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
