Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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