the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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