Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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