we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
