guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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