I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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