So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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