definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
