break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
