i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
