He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
