I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
