did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
