apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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