Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
