Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
