Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
