those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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