The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
