is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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