i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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