i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either way he was missing a nipple.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
