have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
