I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
