were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
