I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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