Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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