I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
