I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
