HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
