As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are all done wearing pants today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
