I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
