Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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