Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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