You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
