There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize