Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
