I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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