sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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