When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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