Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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