Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
