I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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