I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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