More tranny stories later!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
