just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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