What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize