i jhust puked up my retainher.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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