So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
40s are totally the cure
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
