You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
