Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
