Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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