My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She bit a glass in half.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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