New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
