your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
