Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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