Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
