Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
